god bless us, everyone

a mellow christmas, but not a bad haul:

becoming jane from jeffrey (so sad, but SO good)
les contes d'amadou koumba from mom & dad (going to have to look up more vocab than I anticipated, but it's amazing)
a shirt from carolyn
picture frames from john ardovini (going to come in very handy after paris)
cds from claire & jesse
--mates of state
--azure ray
--electronica tango from paris, I forget their name
$50 to h&m from mom & dad (christmas wouldn't be christmas without that)
an anthropologie christmas ornament - a turtle!!- and a gift card from celesta & co.
new iPod earbuds from gregory (mine were torn up so bad, it was ridiculous)
money from grandpa
mix cd and bag from amanda
portrait book and elephant cup from oceane & stephanie

hmmm there wasn't really a large gift from santa this year, just the stocking stuff. but it's all good, I got more of my favorite pens and that's pretty much all I need.

the best gift I gave was mom's iPod, she was so so excited. it made me happy :)

I have had it with gaining weight. I currently weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life (118.5) and I am not happy about it. something must be done. and by something, I mean some serious new year's resolutions.

the other night, I hung out with david, elizabeth, scott and michelle molina. they stalked me and my dad through target and then walmart while we did our last bits of christmas shopping and then swooped by my house and stole me. we did crazy nothings and then we took everyone home. me and david weren't ready to go home so we went to occoquan and parked and walked the adorable little shop-lined streets and talked and just about died in the cold. I did anyway, I was only wearing my pyjamas. then we drove back to my house and sat in the car in the street for another hour talking. mr. forrest came out to sneak presents from car to house a couple times and he kept staring at us. either he thought we were murdering burglars or just making out. neither being the case, it was pretty funny.

totally unrelated:
I have had it with men. a relationship needs to grow mutually from both sides and this never happens to me. either he likes me and I don't, or I like him and he doesn't. pretty much the only guys that ever like me are friends. and yes, I know I've said that relationships should develop from friendships first, but everyone just chill out. please. I'm so tired of all my friendships getting turned upside down and thrown in my face. boys, if I really knew how to punch well, I would punch you all in the face. this is my non-christmas-affiliated rant. back to christmas.

whence comes this rush of wings afar
following straight the noel star?
birds of the wood in wondrous flight
bethlehem seek this holy night
tell us, ye birds, why come ye here
into this stable, poor and drear?
hastening we seek the new-born king,
and all our sweetest music bring
angels and shepherds, birds of the sky,
come where the son of God doth lie
Christ on earth with man doth dwell
join in the shout, noel! noel!

(carol of the birds)

photoshop could be useful here

start imagining

dream blog 5

I'm in this room with all of these birds, there's a feeder on the ceiling in the middle of the room. there's a man, I don't know who, who exclaims and points at a bird and says, "hey! a prius! I've never seen one before!" except he said prIus instead of prEEus. it was a smallish kind of macaw-type bird, blue mostly. it flew around for a bit, just so we could get a good look. it was beautiful. then there was another bird that I can't remember. I was doing my best to take pictures of all these.

then, from across the room, I saw a toucan. it was sitting on this ledge or shelf with a side to it, so you could only see it's head. I told the man, "look! there's a toucan!" he didn't know what that was. but, suddenly, it was on the ground ... and it wasn't a toucan. it was a pygmy rhinoceros!! a tiny, tiny pygmy rhinoceros. one side of it was just gray/black, but the left side was colorful: half soft red and the bottom half was with black zebra stripes. it's head was ... awesome. lots of colors. I think it was kind of dangerous, but it was incredible and sweetly dangerous, kind of like an animal that can hurt things just by moving around but doesn't realize they can. I'm thinking this dream may have been inspired by this painting:

or maybe it just reminded me of it.

it's called A Pair of Precocious Puffins
Precariously Perched on a Pot-Bellied Pig
by james christensen

to be read in a british accent

well I've just about finished up, but I've still got a statistics exam to take in a couple of hours, and I'm afraid it's going to be beastly awful. I've hardly studied at all, compared to what I probably should have. I haven't slept much at all either, what with giving presents, saying goodbye, chatting with my besties til all hours of the night, watching a movie, waking up early to see steph off. I'm not dead yet, but I may be tonight. oceane and abe are still around, so we're going to watch a film at celesta's house so she's not bothered to come round and pick me up so late. we'd best have a smashing load of fun tonight as it'll be our last time out on the town before abe packs off to paris.

blimey! I just glanced out the window and the snow's comin' down out there like nothing else. the flakes aren't even falling, they're just swirling round in circles in the air. I'm wearing long trousers and flat shoes today. brilliant. might have thought of that a bit before I went out of the door today if I weren't so blooming tired.

I got myself all checked in online for my flight tomorrow morning. I'm hoping for the best with this blasted weather. if I can't get home on saturday, I'm going to be royally bothered. salt lake always gets more snow than us down here in the valley.

I made myself sound like a right charlie last night. it's a good thing the lads were already out of the flat, but I suppose they'll hear the story before long. it is on the quote wall, after all. and I am blogging about it. after all. we were talkin' about harry potter and I said something about how I've grown up reading about him and I kind of feel like I know the character like I would a friend and how the story themes speak to me. but it sort of came out all rubbish like "I feel like harry potter is my best friend. he speaks to me." ... it was absolutely ridiculous and we laughed forever. the funny part is it's probably bang on subconsciously or something.

well then, I'd best get back to the books. only an hour and a half left before my test. oh sod it!

finals week - where everything happens except finals

well, I'm in the middle of finals week. and by in-the-middle, I mean procrastinating foolishly, as always. I like how oceane put it. it doesn't matter if we're getting good grades, none of us can claim to be good students. the mattresses are out for a perpetual sleep-over. you can't really call it a sleep-over cause we all sleep in the same apartment anyway, but still. it's fun.

I had a dream the other night that God confirmed to me that I was supposed to get married and not go on a mission and it was so upsetting. I cried and cried. (in my dream. I laughed about it in real life, even though it was still depressing) it was, not a nightmare, but a really sad dream. nightmares must involve dark scary things and/or violence of some kind.

we watched the dark knight last night. I haven't seen it since opening night in the theaters. I think I was all pumped up for it the first time, but this time the darkness and evil were more apparent, enough to bother me. true, the psychology behind the film is darkly incredible and fascinating, but I don't think I necessarily want to keep subjecting myself to it. I can justify this sort of thing for some movies, like hotel rwanda, v for vendetta, the pianist, etc. but this pure-"entertainment" movie, I don't think so.

let's paint a picture: last night, I was on david's (gina's) laptop looking up tetes a claques and music with him while abe, carlos and steph had a nerf gun fight. I was right in the middle of it all and wasn't caught in the cross-fire even once, which I happily declared at the end of the battle. abe said sweetly that he wanted to, but I just looked so vulnerable that he couldn't. at which point, carlos took a gun, aimed for my forehead, and shot me in the eye. thanks.

he'd been on my case all day about every little thing and I was so done. so I went in my room and folded my clean clothes. steph and oceane came to find me and I started venting and yelling. and apparently carlos heard. and apparently he needed to hear me mad, cause it's the only thing I said all day that got through to him. what does it take to make them listen to me? I mean what I said and I said what I meant. christina is serious one hundred percent.

celesta called me this morning to ask if I needed a ride to the airport from her and when that would be. I really ought to be more on top of these things. I always forget to tell her. she also said she was going to bring by a you-can-get-through-exam-week treat for me and my roommates. hooray! how sweet.

I'm waiting on erik's letter, kind of pathetically. he said he sent it last week, wednesday I think, so it should definitely be here by now, but it's not. I got a harry & david package from sis. pittman. it was so cute! the gift message said "I just wanted to say hi. we're looking forward to seeing you at christmas." I kind of forgot that I've pretty much lived at the pittman's house since I was five, so amanda's parents are probably kind of attached to me by now. I should probably think of them more.

me and meesh had an aerobics final study session (which I got a 96 on!!) and we actually got a good picture of us both at the same time. on the first try! it's kind of hard to believe. so here it is.

sketches

my first sketches in ... 10 years maybe.

bananas!

abraham headless & handless

more to come in future

adventures

I saved a dog! I totally ran into the street and almost got run over and jumped through the air to push it out of the way of a car. no, not really. it just crossed the crosswalk at the light with all the people and I caught it by the collar so it wouldn't keep going and get run over. it was a big golden lab and it was nice and not fighting to get away, but she was excited and a little hard to contain. so I was holding her collar and trying to look at the tags and put in the phone number and then suddenly someone had taken her by the collar and I see abe's shoes and what do you know, there's abraham to the rescue. I called a couple people and eventually the police/pound came to pick her up, but we waited around for almost an hour. it was really pretty fun! I got hair all over my jacket and the dog tried to eat my new hand-wash only scarf and my hands were all dirty from petting her. it was pretty nasty going home, but it sure made for a good story.


last night we pulled all our mattresses out into the living room and had a sleepover party. me steph and oceane have done it a few times before, but this time annie and susan joined us and we all slept on four mattresses. we started watching a&e pride and prejudice but only made it through the first third before we all fell asleep. we usually do this on saturdays and then leave the mattresses out for homework parties and nap sessions on sunday afternoons.


abraham's being mission nostalgic to the max tonight. we've already looked at all of his pictures and heard the stories of his friends there, but tonight he brought out his cassette tapes of people bearing their testimonies and saying goodbye to him in malagasi. he's finding pictures of the people who were talking so we can look and listen at the same time. it's so powerful to see how moved he is remembering these people that he loved and to know he was truly a good missionary, listening to people thank his parents for letting him come teach them the gospel, that they love him like their own son, that they will see him in christ. and that they like his magic tricks. he says looking at these pictures, he can see places, smell smells, hear people's voices. I can't wait to go on my mission. my favorite part is hearing their laughs.

I really ought to be studying for my french 340 exam, but I'm really enjoying this mission reminiscence. and I want to sketch. and read le petit nicolas. and be done with school.

an evening

---bundled up
2 jackets, scarf, hat, gloves
------studying, examing
bus-riding home
----honey vanilla chamomile tea
hot and cold
-------babyfoot
20 billion games
duct tape hats
-----polka
knee-knocking
--sketching
bananas
abraham minus head and hands
charcoal-ed hands, face smears

tired eyes
papers to write
trop a faire

--empty empty
-----going
---gone

learning curve

this crush is already fading. the other night, I indulged in all my ridiculous emotions, knowing I'd need to start getting over it the next day, and then I got to it. it turned out to be easier than I imagined. you see, I have some "competition", except we're all good friends and made a pact to put our friendship first here. sure, sure, that's all well and good, I know, who's going to keep a pact like that?? well, we're best friends, and it helps that this boy is leaving soon and not coming back. I think they may be indulging in their emotions while they can, before he leaves, knowing there'll be an end to all of it soon enough anyway.

but I'm not like that. trying to compete in attentions and flirtation (hah! we all know I'm incapable of that) is just stupid. so, I've kind of left them to it and just sort of watch from a distance as the boy I like is fawned over by other people. I don't mean to sound resentful, I'm really not. it's just a little bittersweet and ironic, that's all. I wonder if he's as oblivious about all this as he seems to be. I'm sure all this will come out later at some point, and he's going to be completely blown away, and it'll be hilarious.

my opinion of men is on a pendulum swing. someone proves to me that men are rude idiots who don't know how to treat women. so I hate them for awhile. but they can be so wonderful. so I start to forget and start to look around and be interested and then I've fallen for someone. and invariably, someone proves it to you all over again. it isn't worth the drama and heartache. shame on you boys, for being so irresistible, for winning us over, for making us forget who you really are, until ...

we never seem to learn.

flacons de neige

sit and wonder

I hate crushes.

they drive you crazy. you feel so excited and pathetic at the same time. you read into everything and then discount it and then do it again. you let everything make you smile, even when you know it has nothing to do with you, you just happen to be the one standing there. you find yourself thinking about him randomly during the day, for no reason at all, wondering something you don't know about him, wondering if he wonders about you, knowing he doesn't.

it comes out of nowhere. it's been a long time in coming and you see that now, but you couldn't until it punched you in the face. you can't place when it happened, there was just a moment when you considered, and suddenly what had been growing all along came out in force.

wise friends hear you out, tell you it's okay with a light déjà passé in their tone and you know you should listen, you know they must be right, but the longing's still there, a confusion sitting heavy in my chest.

and ultimately, in a couple of weeks, when you know you can't take holding it in anymore, when you're sure he's got to know -- it's written all over your face, in your eyes, the effusion in every word that you try to hold in and fail quite miserably ... ultimately, he knows, everyone knows, and there you sit, a lone idiot, foolish for hoping, embarrassed for letting/making this happen again. 

I've got a hunger

Twisting my stomach into knots

That my tongue has tied off

My brain's repeating

"If you've got an impulse let it out"

But they never make it past my mouth.

Our youth is fleeting

Old age is just around the bend

And I can't wait to go gray

And I'll sit and wonder

Of every love that could've been

If I'd only thought of something charming to say.

this is the sound of settling.

(death cab for cutie)

balancin' the whole thing

I had my orchestra concert last night. string orchestra was not nearly as amazing an experience this semester as it was last winter and I had pretty much decided not to take orchestra next semester. but ... I changed my mind. I'm really going to miss it. the concert was good, especially the last number, an incredible mendelssohn. I am absolutely in love with lev -- he might be the best conductor I've ever had, and I have had a LOT of conductors over the years. I could have chosen to be in either string orchestra or university orchestra this semester and I chose the string and this whole time I've been regretting it, but as usual, it turned out for the best: I've already played three of the five pieces that the full orchestra played (verdi's la forza del destino, the nutcracker suite, and strauss's radetsky march). stephanie, oceane, abe and jessica & shantel came to watch and that made me very happy.

last night I made some snowflakes for my apartment. I will make more tonight. in fact, I will post pictures of my wonderful creations. it all started at work, they have huge stacks of paper sitting on the desk of all the labs for us to make snowflakes, and I'm the one that started it all. I don't know how they turn out so awesome, but they do. I have discovered, though, that I am intensely more creative when I'm upset about something. also last night, carlos taught me some basic self-defense. but I still think fighting off a man would be ... close to impossible. I just don't think I have enough power to break someone's kneecaps. I also went on a feminist rant. it was refreshing.

I put up the first two hours of my swkt shift this morning and mckay picked them up. theoretically, this was so I could get more sleep, but it turned out that me, steph and oceane stayed up until 4 in the morning. boy drama. so I was so dead all day today. I went to stats, even though I got absolutely nothing out of it, and then skipped the rest of my classes and slept for two and half hours. stephan came to the jkb to talk to me, which was nice, and now I'm at work again. ever since I've gotten back from break, I feel no desire to do anything school-related. I mean, enough motivation to actually get stuff done, but I'm so ready for this semester to be over. I think we all are. I'm going to miss my besties over the break, though.

I am officially accepted into the Paris and Southern France spring term study abroad program!!! I am so so excited. it is real. it is happening. I enthusiastically say "I told you so" to all of you, especially my father. not that he was against it or anything, but he and everyone else just seem skeptical that I'm going to make things happen in my life. well, I make my own future, and this is it, or the beginning anyway. I'm still not accepted into the internship program for the summer, but I'm working on that. also working on how this is going to be paid for. scholarships, hopefully. tomorrow, the world.

life, I am so ready.

dream blog 4

I'm in the warsaw ghetto and the nazis are shooting us. I'm with a man, but I'm not sure if he's my husband, my brother or my friend. we're at the top of this tower building and they're trying to shoot us down, but neither of us gets shot, amazingly. it is terrifying, war sounds filling my ears, trying to dodge bullets and keep out of sight. the gunshots and bombs recede. 

we go inside to my flsr apartment, but it's all old and dirty, with furniture of the era and a wonderful old piano. we play, he, mozart, upbeat, and I, chopin, tragic and heart-breaking. I'm not sure if I have children, I'm pretty sure I would have been more concerned about them if I had, but they take the children to a central location to try and protect them. 

there's a library in the 3rd floor commons, still open, and I go. it's the morning when we know the nazis are going to attack; everyone sitting in the library, just a handful of people, aren't really there for any other reason than to casually await their deaths. it looks like it's run by nuns, but they're probably just stern, capable, uniformed females. they go about their library tasks, facing death with efficiency and defiance. a couple people, a professor here, a student there, continue studying as if nothing of any consequence were happening today, as if studying would transition them to the next world without any pain at all. most of the books are gone anyway, so I go back to the apartment empty-handed.

there's a key on a little rod that I have to keep safe, it is so crucially important. I'm carrying it everywhere. I set it once on the piano while I play, once on the wooden shelves. I think I've misplaced it, find it, think about putting it in my shoe, but don't. there's something strangely comforting about clutching it in my fist. the man and another woman tell me we're bringing the couch and chairs down to help form a barricade. we start to take them outside, but they take it down and I stay. they come back soon with the couch. they didn't need it for some reason. 

a storm starts to brew, wind blowing old boxes and broken chairs and paper all through the dirty alleyways. I hear the planes approaching, but the storm picks up, it's impossible to see. they can't possibly see. I watch at the window, the curtain held back with my hand, as the wind blows harder and the torrents come down and fill the empty field and the wide alley stairways. everything's a river -- gray, swirling, angry. 

and suddenly the storm clears. there's a lake in the center of all the buildings where the field was. everyone runs out as I watch. they strip down and start diving and swimming in the lake. everything has gone from muted grays to brilliant green grass and dazzlingly azure blue lake and ponds everywhere. the water is like a tropical sea, beautiful and other-worldly. it hurts my eyes. people are swimming and cheering and laughing, carefree, naked and wild in their joy of survival. 

I think, what fools, the planes will be back any minute, the sky has cleared, they're going to mow them down. soon enough, I hear the drone of german planes. I let the curtain drop as cries of recognition start to go up outside. fear rises in my chest. the key digs into my palm. I hide under the piano as the bombs start to drop.

I don't know if I live or not -- my mom called me and I woke up.

tears tonight

I don't know what to do with myself tonight. the font is changing sizes in front of my eyes from word to word and line to line. one minute I'm on the edge of tears for no reason at all, the next minute I know exactly why, and the next it's lost to me again. 

"A moment was not a single moment at all, but rather an infinite number of different moments, depending on who was seeing things and how. A moment might be a thousand different things."

"He imagined the notes falling into the air like stones into water, rippling the invisible surface of the world.  Waves of sound, waves of light: his father had tried to pin everything down, but the world was fluid and could not be contained."

did it all get real, I guess it's real enough

they got refrigerators full of blood

another century spent pointing guns

at anything that moves

sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot

my twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts

I never really dreamed of heaven much

until we put him in the ground

but it's all I'm doing now

listening for patterns in the sound of an endless static sea

but once the satellite's deceased

it blows like garbage through the streets

of the night sky to infinity

but don't you weep (don't you weep for them)

don't you weep (don't you weep)

there is nothing as lucky

honey, don't you weep (don't you weep for them)

don't you weep (don't you weep)

there is nothing

as lucky

as easy

or free

(bright eyes)

story - morning

He lay facing her in bed, her soft breath reaching to caress his face.  The faint edges of sunrise were peering around the curtains, but she slept on deeply, peacefully, while he drank her in.  She was curled up stiffly and, despite the closeness of their heads, his body lay angled away, not touching.  He liked to wake early to watch her sleep, to treasure this daily mote-kissed vision before the noise pulled them out of bed and shattered their haven walls of glass and forced them to acknowledge many things other than themselves.  The loose tendrils of dark hair that framed her face and brushed the nape of her neck, the thin, high arch of her delicate brow, the way her slender fingers rested so lightly on the stark angles of her collarbone---all of these things he noticed.  They settled gently one on top of the other in the cavity of his ribs where he felt a heavy, dull ache.  He had never believed he could love like this.  

Cautious, less afraid of waking her than of trespassing into her forbidden realm of dreams, his hand hesitated in the space between their heads.  He tucked a wisp behind her ear and gently traced the jaw line from ear to chin -- a sharp, pointed chin that always had something to say when all words had been exhausted, defiant.  Her eyelids fluttered gently at his touch and he bent in quickly to brush her lips.  Her eyes opened, startled in the blurred middle ground between reality and dreams, then a warm, tired smile of recognition.  He put his hand on her hip, rolled her over into his arms and kissed behind her ear to the sound of her surprised laughter.  He wrapped his arms around her slight frame and felt her relax into him, her shoulder blades against his chest.  "We should get up," she protested half-heartedly, but she only slid into him more, her body moving with the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

"Not yet," he whispered.  "Not yet."

dream blog numero 3

trains. 

there is me and adrien brody(ish) and another man and we're close and ridiculous. we have tickets, but they're already in our train compartments. we're just re-catching this train. we know it's coming but we're criss-crossing this maze of rooms and halls in the train station trying to find the platform before the train comes and goes. we're racing each other and each taking a different path to get there. down crazy wood-slat steps, through tiny rooms with rust-colored walls and tiny windows. the first time, I have to search and backtrack to find the right way. the second and third times I have the dream, I know my way better each time. other things happen on the train that I can't remember. and never once do I remember actually getting on the train. just hearing it, searching for it, then suddenly on it, in my compartment, in my bed. or exploring the train. this happens a couple times. the last time, the way through the station gets slightly off, I don't know exactly how to find it anymore. I find the small square window I need to climb through, but there's a big lock on it from the outside. I find a couple of asian guys and ask for help, that I really need to catch this train, but they take their sweet time and make me tell my whole story and I miss the train. so have the others.

half the time this was real and the other half of the time some part of me knew, looking at a magazine, at pictures of natalie portman and my guys, that it was part of a movie. half the time I kind of forgot if I was a man or a woman and the other half of the time, I was definitely a woman, fully aware of the power I had over my 2 friends and the expectations they had of me.

interspersed between all the train-ness was a load of randomness; cocktail parties and sonograms, and uproarious laughter with my friends, and person after person after person in the station demanding our tickets, reminding us we need our tickets, to not forget our tickets. and again and again we replied, they're already on the train.

adventures with friends

david

david le beau et oceane

abraham

carlos

stephanie!!

time

I spend so much of my life looking at a clock. so much control over me (us) by a complete fabrication. I mean, the concept of time exists, but we've quantified it to ridiculous degrees. I live every day rushing to catch a bus, to make it to class, to work, to turn in homework, to take a test, to eat, to call, to sleep ... how incredible would it be to have a printed ticket that says please be in your seats when the moon is parallel with the tops of the buildings. the bus comes every once in awhile and class starts when most people get there. turn in your homework before sunset. sleep when you're tired. eat when you're hungry. go out and lose yourself in the world. I'd rather have church bells or symphonies loudspeakered or pocket watches if absolutely necessary. let's just all go live in the forest and become one with the earth. it's how I imagine eternity is -- time exists, it just has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on me.

whether

they build up

in my chest, somehow both buried in and bearing down on my lungs

in my mind, neither in nor on but a complete melding into its entire form

they appear nonchalantly and spread

inconspicuous and harmless on their own

but frightening, panic-inducing

each time I happen to glance inward

once in awhile

on a whim

every seventeen and a quarter minutes

+++

I have a runny nose

because I'd be scared too

because I remember the hopeless sincerity of his sobbing

because these things never happen when I am there, when I can be in control of something

because everything is a precursor to a day when I will have to say goodbye

and saying goodbye is painful and frightening

especially

when you're never quite sure if the love you gave

was enough to make up for all the other times

in time

+++

I talk loudly, excessively

annoyingly

and the things that come out of my mouth surprise me

my brain can't tell me why it wants to hear these things spoken

they seem unrelated and useless

only stirring the cloudiness that's settled

+++

if you wait around long enough, the weather man will always be right.

heebie jeebies

today was a satisfying productive day.

school was good. I worked out. I talked to my new testament professor and had a good long conversation. I balanced my checkbook/figured out where in the world all my money went.

I got my anthropologie clothes today, but only one of the shirts fits and the shoes are wAy too big, even though they're only sixes :/ my feet are ridiculously tiny. bUt that's okay. I'll just send them back for five bucks and find other amazing things on sale to buy instead.

tonight, oceane, stephanie et moi looked at abe's mission pictures with him and watched malagasi music videos. he went to madagascar and it looks incredible. he had lemurs sitting on his head!!! so. jealous. then we were so depressed about living in provo, utah. so we got in the car and just drove to spanish fork and laid down in the middle of some random side road and looked at the stars. it smelled like cows. but it looked like heaven. I showed everyone the pleiades and orion and I am very proud that I could find anything in that incredible ocean of stars. we could even see the milky way! I didn't know that was possible. no shooting stars, though.

this morning, I woke up at 6.17. and ran around and actually caught the 6.30 bus and wasn't late to work. it was ridiculous. I went to the bus stop with my hair in the same ponytail from sleeping and no makeup on, which is kind of a deal cause my face isn't incredibly clear right now. I got ready in the wilk bathroom and was okay til after work and classes when I worked out and took a shower.

I noticed in the shower a few small bumps on my left shin, but I figured it was from shaving on sunday or something. then, while we were watching a movie tonight, my leg suddenly itched, so I itched it a little. then it felt all bumpy so I looked at it and there were/are like 20 smallish red bumps on my shin. I have no idea what's going on except it's freaking me out. it looks like the original 4 or 5 may be bug bites and the rest are just a spread of the reaction. I don't know, but it's giving me the heebie jeebies.

a tisket a tasket

hmmm it's been quite awhile.

dream from my sunday afternoon nap:

me and carlos were video game characters. or maybe we were creatures from some anime tv show. I don't know. I kept on trying to sing pocahontas songs and he knew them better than I did. I also carried around a gallon of spoiled milk. blegh.

last sunday I spoke in sacrament meeting and it turned out to be really amazing. the spirit was really there, and that's the only thing I wanted. I was the first speaker and it set a good tone for an incredible sunday. they didn't ask me to speak until tuesday night, so I was worried I wouldn't have enough time to ponder things during the week, but it turned out alright in the end.

I spent friday and saturday at celesta's. I stayed up friday night looking at old photo albums with celesta and finishing my woodcut put-together owl (aside: I bought it at the creamery thursday night and sangria too of course walking home from orchestra/stats homework cram late at night, thoroughly angry that no one could come pick me up because I never ask for help and the one time I need help NO-one answers their phone. anyway, I bought it to make me feel better and it totally worked). then saturday we went to see savior of the world at the conference center -- I was thoroughly impressed. it was very spiritual and beautiful. just wonderful. I'm so glad celesta got my ticket for me, cause if I'd had to pay for it myself I wouldn't have gone. 

we got back late so I had to dash to david's to panda express where we were supposed to eat cheap but we must have been confused about something because we definitely paid full price. sad. I totally scarfed my food and then we ran RAN to the hfac to get to the play on time. it was actually a crazy fun adventure running through the tanner building. the play was dancing at lughnasa and it was amazing. very sad and very beautiful. well done. it was in a tiny little theater with 3-sided seating and the actors moved about a lot. the set was awesome.

I am getting fatter and it is very upsetting. I need to exercise more and ... stop eating frosting. etc. 

last night was so so fun. we (oceane, david, stephanie, me, abe, gina and carlos) all crammed in the elevator and chilled there for like an hour eating a whole chocolate frosting container, taking the color code quiz, and just being incredibly ridiculous and having the funnest time ever. then we went deer chasing in abe's car, but we didn't find any to chase. sad. he did try to drive through a field and over this crazy dirt hill. it was ridiculous. I didn't go to bed til 3 am so I needed a long nap this afternoon. 

I should be at an honors fireside tonight for extra credit, but I just couldn't get myself to get dressed and walk to campus. I am going to bed early tonight. that is a solemn promise.

all of my jeans are getting holes in them. but they don't fit me too well anyway anymore. no more frosting.

a monday night

me, abe and carlos just had a hugely long and intense political debate. well, not so much political. more thematic, ideological. abe's conservative, carlos is liberal and I'm a moderate. we went from economic policy, immigration, taxes, and welfare institutions to the war in iraq, innocent casualties of war, when war is justified, the u.s. policing role in the world, etc. it was really intense. intense as in I couldn't sit and do my homework so I had to go participate. I can't refuse a good debate.

it's hard, because some things I agree with carlos on, but on some things I don't think his logic always holds and some things I think he's too idealistic and not realistic. abe is also sometimes too pragmatic, I think, and not always willing to accept incredible facts that contradict his ideology. but this debate really helped me see on which issues I lean more left and which more right. I'm definitely economically conservative. most of the time, it was good respectful debate, but towards the end it got pretty heated and, much as I love debate, I was feeling that tension in my chest. so when we ended, I gave them both hugs and told them to spread the love.

and really, that's the end result of all of this political debate anyway. we will do some things wrong when we're trying to do right and I don't think I can or want to be in a position to have to make judgment calls on that. I want to help people on an individual basis where I know that the things I am doing are right in a much more clearcut way than I could judge the effects of national decisions. I know that teaching hygiene to this woman and her children in senegal is going to help them be healthier and hopefully live longer. and be happier. and that's pretty clearcut to me. I can't wait for christ to rule on the earth, when there will be no pain or suffering like this. or war. or starvation. or injustices. until then, I'm going to do my best to start moving in that direction one tiny step at a time. one person at a time. we're all worth it.

also, we had fhe at bro. hyatt's house tonight. only 2 of the spanish boys came, 3 of the russian girls, and me and susan from the french, and we spent a long time there, but it was a wonderful relaxing time. we had a good lesson that we all participated in from preach my gospel and then the boys had to leave for their cleaning check and we girls stayed and talked about so much fun stuff with the family. it was such a cute family - oldest son 16, then 3 girls, then the youngest boy 5. the way they all interacted with each other was great, particularly the oldest brother towards all of the others.haha he told us some of his pickup lines and we approved - he is definitely not a creeper. the little girls were kind of enraptured by us. their home had a wonderful spirit about it - I want my own home to be like that. and I want to raise my sons to be like that. we kept saying goodbye at the door and then kept talking. it was obvious we wanted to stay. I hope they understand why.

president obama

well, we have a new president.

can I just say right now how freaking excited I am?!? the night of the election, I started watching cnn at 5pm and stayed up til past midnight. it was pretty much a landslide and it was pretty much incredible. virginia finally went blue for the first time since 1964, which is way exciting. in fact, if obama had lost every other swing state but gotten virginia, he still would have won. we pulled through! mccain's speech was very good, much more reminiscent of the pre-campaign mccain, the one I respected. obama's acceptance speech was incredible. I expected a little more of the first black president emphasis, but he downplayed it for some reason and cancelled the scheduled fireworks at the end. I know he's not perfect, I know he's going to make mistakes, but for the first time in a long time I trust the leader of our country, what he says and what he does. I believe he has pure motives and good morals and that he won't take immoral shortcuts to get to his worthy ends. we have a lot of problems to fix in this country and it's going to be hard, but I really believe that he is our best hope.

the more I read about palin, the more I am disgusted with her. if that woman thinks she has any hope of a future in national politics, I swear. the fact that she does and the fact that people will actually support her bid for future federal positions, that's what's ridiculous. though I suppose I should thank her, being the emphatic downfall of mccain's campaign and all. she wanted to give a pre-concession speech, but was flat-out refused(I think everyone in that campaign hated her). thank goodness.

I wanted so badly to be in virginia on election night to party it up with the streets full of people who were so so happy. instead I was in utah, so I found carlos and we ran to the creamery and bought sangria to celebrate and ran around the flsr pounding on doors and shouting. and then it started snowing and it was magical. I called my mom and at the end of our conversation, I asked her what she thought about the election, cause I was so excited and didn't have anyone to talk to about it, but she got pissed off and asked if I was going to gloat. I guess she's more extreme than I thought. I love that my dad's a moderate.

a black man is our president. and a qualified, inspirational, uniting and moral man at that. and millions of people from all ages, races, colors and backgrounds believe in him and what he can do. and I think that's pretty amazing. I am proud that one day I will be able to tell my children that I helped elect him.

guy fawkes day

remember remember the 5th of november

the gunpowder, treason and plot.

I see no reason why the gunpowder, treason

should ever be forgot.

Today, however, is a day, sadly, no longer remembered. So, I thought we could mark this November the 5th by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. Of course, there are those who do not want us to speak. I suspect, even now, orders are being shouted into telephones and men with guns are racing to this station. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words are the means to meaning, and for some, the annunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.

who was he?

he was edmond dantes ...

and he was my father.

and my mother ...

my brother ...

my friend.

he was you ...

and me.

he was all of us.

(v for vendetta)

why am I doing this?

spell your name with songs:

Caring is creepy - the Shins

Hymne à l'amour - Josh Groban

Rootless tree - Damien Rice

I'm yours - Jason Mraz

Sur la route - Emily Loizeau

Trolleywood - Eisley

I don't know what I can save you from - Kings of Convenience

Nothing better - the Postal Service

Arc of time - Bright Eyes

Hey jude - Beatles

I will follow you into the dark - Death Cab

Let it snow! - Bing Crosby

This time tomorrow - the Kinks

Oh no - Gogol Bordello

News - Jack Johnson

shoes I wore today: black flats

perfect pizza: hawaiian

best physical feature: gonna have to say ... my boobs, legs close second

most missed memory: governor's school

adidas or nike: adidas

chocolate or vanilla: depends on my mood

smoke: no

curse: sometimes

sing: always

dance: often

take a shower everyday: most days, sometimes more than once

have a crush: nope

think you've been in love: NO

want to go to college: already there

liked high school: later years were better, but I loved it

want to get married: yes

get motion sickness: only from crazy drivers

think you're attractive: usually

think you're a health freak: in theory, yes.

get along with your parents: yes

age you hope to be married: 25-27

number of children: 3-4ish

dream wedding: washington d.c. temple, simple, classic, part indoors part outdoors, fall

opposite sex:

best eye color: brown

best hair color: dark

short or long hair: not short. medium.

height: tall very tall but not tall enough to make me feel like a child. that's creepy.

the past:

ever thrown up in public? elementary school classroom trash can

passed out from alcohol? no

what's on your mind right now? barack OBAMA first black president AWESOMOSITY!!!!!

the future:

what kind of home would you like? small, simple, stylish, foreign

what do you want to be when you grow up? someone who helps people and makes a difference

where do you see yourself in 5 years? in europe. dating.

do you like candy necklaces? no

when was the last time you fell over or ran into something? today

do you listen to music every day? yes

do you still go trick or treating? no

what was the last thing you ate? a spoonful of double chocolate frosting

favorite type of soda? orangina and sangria senorial

have you ever moved? twice but I can't remember

have you ever won an award? plenty of times.

are you listening to music right now? no

how long til your birthday? presque 3 mois

when were you the saddest in your whole life? death of grandparents and president hinckley

what time is it? 11.05 pm

do you use ebay to buy or sell? buy sometimes

who makes you mad? chauvinists, ignorants, racists

have you ever heard a song written about you? yes

something you want to happen in 2009? go to france

summer 2009? travel europe

what color is your underwear? white

what's on your mind? OBAMA

what are you doing right now? wasting time.

have you done something bad today? no

who is the last person you talked to on the phone? my mom

are you jealous of someone right now? nope

what makes you mad most of the time? idiots, men

do you bite your nails? never

are you keeping a big secret now? yes, but it's not mine

do you get up in the middle of the night and eat? never

do you like anyone? no

does anyone like you? I think so

what do you do when you're mad? rant, yell, listen to music, write

what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad? um... wrote a list of all the things I hated about amanda and gave it to her

ever made anyone cry when you were mad? I think so

do you swear when you're mad? yes

when was the last time you actually cried? don't know. not very often

ever cried yourself to sleep? yes

do certain songs make you cry? yes, damien rice, always

what usually makes you cry? some books, some movies, some songs

a picture that makes you happy right now:

peter peter pumpkin eater

david le beau told me I would make a good pumpkin (?) so I had mom bring the old childhood pumpkin costume with her when the family came for the weekend. it was pretty much the most amazing cute costume ever. I even wore it to my stats class. I surprise myself. I did it mostly for my roommates; they told me it was so adorable and really wanted me to wear it to school, so I did!

this weekend was so wonderful -- mom, dad and the lil bros flew in and claire and jesse drove up for victoria's baptism. I can't remember having bad experiences with my family, but this weekend was unflawed. I was just very content and at peace with my family and I loved it. victoria's baptism was just wonderful -- she has really become such a sweet little girl. not that she wasn't sweet before, but she's got past the age that's hard for me to handle. we had so much fun!! now I can't wait until christmas.

dots

here is my entry for the take out photo october monthly special. this month's theme is dots. I'm doing this way last minute (night of the 31st) but I'm just glad I got it done.

EDIT: oh yeah, these incredible photos are all courtesy of a very talented photographer at sMacThoughts. she's amazing.

hear ye

let it be known:

elder wirthlin was on his mission and he and his companion were walking back home somewhere in bavaria in the moonlit night. it was the same place where the hymn silent night was written. they were talking about the things they were going to do in their lives and what kind of men they wanted to be. and that night he decided that he wanted to marry a girl who was five feet five inches tall with blond hair and blue eyes. and guess what? he went home from his mission and met a girl who was five feet five inches tall with blond hair and blue eyes. and he married her.

it is possible.

cake!

I am having telephone difficulties with my mother. usually I call her when I'm feeling not too good, but invariably, those are the times when she can never hear or understand anything I say and I have to repeat myself 20 billion times and she doesn't get how I'm feeling. but lately, this has even been happening when I'm not upset. I've just given up and now I'm waiting for her to get here tomorrow night!! I can't wait.

on the other hand, me and claire always get each other on the phone. I called her last night while I was walking home from the library very late at night (after reading ... ahem researching... for 2 straight hours) and it was so good to talk to her. every time we talk we just laugh and laugh. I remember not that many years ago it was never like that. I'm just really glad we get along so well now. hooray for not giving up on each other!

tonight I am going to bake a cake. it will be delicious. oceane's getting the strawberries. I'm going to make a second attempt at seven-minute frosting. we'll see how that goes. david's back in our apartment. there was some momentary drama and he wasn't around for a few days and we all really missed him.

now going to stats class.

I really want to steal this jacket from the swkt lab. kim says if it's still here in a week, I can take it. yessss.

ideals

thoughts:
my french house friends are so wonderful. we are so comfortable together, always. I can come home at 1 in the morning for the first time since 10am and there they are, watching arrested development and drinking sangria, with a spot for me on the couch. and we laugh and laugh and time travel and sing spanish drinking songs and huddle under oceane's comforter.

I like michelle's craig and how he interacts with her, and he's outgoing and fun so it's not hard to get along with him, but I hate the intermediate stages of friendship. I'd like to just be tight with him right now, but I guess it takes more than one evening for that. I don't know if there's going to be anymore though, we're all so busy. the pizza we made was disgusting and it wasn't my fault but it made me really sad. and mad.

when stephan gets married, it's going to be sad because I won't be able to hang out with just him anymore. it's not the same thing, hanging out with your best friend, and hanging out with your best friend and his wife when you're single.

I hate it when people tell you that you will become attracted to someone and like them more the more you hang out with them. I guess that works sometimes, but I don't want to have to learn to like someone. it sounds like getting along with the bully or the queen bee in 1st grade or something. I don't believe in love at first sight, standing alone anyway, but I do believe in initial attraction.

is it so wrong to want an ideal? is it so impossible to find him? everyone says it's okay to have standards for a guy as long as you don't hold to them. ??? then what's the point in having them? if I'm in love with someone, I'm not going to refuse him just because he's blond or something, and I'm not going to deny an attraction to someone who isn't what I imagine my ideal to be. but doesn't anyone ever get what they want? can't I get what I want?

I want a tall, thin european with dark hair and fine fingers. I want to live in europe and raise my children in another language, another culture, another mindset. I want a thinker, a poet, with soulful eyes and a soulful pen. someone gentle and kind, but passionate and vibrant. someone who believes I am the most wonderful angel on earth, because he will be to me.

I am currently happily single because I have yet to meet anyone like this. and I don't think I should have to "learn to like" in the meantime. I can enjoy being with people just fine without wanting to marry them.

wish I could dance

just ran across this last night and then spent forever with stephanie and oceane watching other ones and falling in love with this guy's awesome legs and sense of style. and dance moves too, of course :) long legs + good jeans = supreme hotness. and a newsboy cap doesn't hurt either.


Davey Dance Blog -38- ROCKEFELLER CENTER - Mariah Carey - "All I Want for Xmas is You" from Pheasant Plucker on Vimeo.

good morning

turning the infinite hexagonal corners of the flsr,

 I hear the bus screeching, pulling away. 

I am not on the bus. again.

running across the parking lot, my bag hits my thigh 

and I slow and I stop and I stomp my foot on the concrete,

 too hard, and throw up my hands and mutter angry, venting syllables. 

all before I realize that I am not angry. 

it is not cold, but pleasant. my bag is not heavy.

 the breeze blows my fresh hair not too soft and not too hard. 

my scarf is amazing. 

my music is new and bouncy and matches my casual step. 

it is dark. my feet are light. not too cold. my heart is light.

good morning.

sartorialist favorites

oh to be young, urban & well-dressed

one day

achievement of the day

vegas!

me and celesta took a road trip to visit claire and jesse in vegas. it was so fun! definitely worth missing work.

jesse & his crazy hair

don't go back to sleep

had two dreams this weekend, but I didn't have my notepad, so I only remember a bit of the first one.

many chairs on a ledge above a large gymnasium/hall. in front of the ledge is a row of mahogany wood or leather chairs with legs from the floor to the ledge, maybe 20 feet high. people in the chairs on the ledge. I'm pretty sure we're watching something but I don't know what it is. me and this guy from work named mckay are sitting in the crazy tall chairs next to each other. I need comforting for some reason, and I cuddle next to him, under his arm, and feel safe and calm.

there's a bar across the front of the chair so you don't fall out. I guess it's supposed to be safe, but it's really scary up there. we're trying to get out of our chairs, but it's really hard with the bar there. I'm pretty much hanging off the edge of it, but mckay pulls me up, and everything's good.

I'm not sure why I have so many dreams about boys saving me. I'm a pretty independent, feisty girl. whoever I end up with is going to have to understand the duality/paradox of my nature. I'm not sure I understand it myself.

I was thinking back to my kissing dreams. first, I had a kissing dream where some guy kissed me with tongue and I slapped him. but at least we kissed. the next two kissing dreams, I wanted to kiss the guy, but I suddenly ended up with food in my mouth. I think I'm just never going to eat food on dates ever. at least I want to be kissed now. oh yeah, I guess I did kiss that one guy later in the dream in that crazy castle narnia one. cool. that was a pretty sweet dream.

The breeze at dawn has things to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want. 

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth

across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep.

Don't let your throat tighten

with fear. Take sips of breath

all day and night, before death

closes your mouth.

The morning wind spreads its fresh smell

We must get up and take that in,

the wind that lets us live.

Breathe before it's gone.

Dance, when you're broken open.

Dance, when you've torn the bandage off.

Dance in the middle of the fighting.

Dance in your blood.

Dance, when you're perfectly free.

(some Indian guy hundreds of years ago)

is this real? or has this been happening inside my head?

of course it's happening inside your head, harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?

weekend

wow, it's been awhile. I sat down to write like two times, but my media devices were not working, so I couldn't upload what I wanted to. so I'll try to get that to happen later, but I'll just write for now.

weekend! was eventful. friday night I babysat maxwell while c p & v went to the homecoming spectacular. we had so much fun! we did finger paints, watercolors (I am very proud of mine, it is now on my fridge), and shaving cream, which he had never done before. man that stuff smells so good - almost as good as cologne. i took the most hilarious videos which will be posted when the internet decides to work.

saturday I had a customer service workshop in the morning, mediocre. then I worked out and showered and went to work. it was freezing!! why utah, why?? after work I chilled at home, maybe did some cleaning, I can't remember, and got ready for my date with greg. I got ready. and I looked good.

we went to eat at guru's, an awesome place in downtown provo with cultural and artistic decor inspirations and a wide selection of delicious and relatively cheap food. I got fettucine pasta with a cream sauce and beans, carrots, zucchini, squash, and artichoke hearts (which were completely marinated in the most delicious lemon sauce). it was amazing. the veggies were obviously fresh. I don't remember much what we talked about, except what kind of food we like (he likes indian, I don't know what I like) and he asked me where I would go if I had the money and time to visit any 5 cities in the world. (cause obviously we had plenty to talk about) I said paris/bordeaux, reykjavik, buenos aires, somewhere in india, and dakar (with marrakesh runner-up). 

then we went to see the legend of the black scorpion at international cinema. it was incredible! the plot is kind of hamlet except more nuanced and complicated. I absolutely love the fusion of art and skill in asian culture, the incorporation of spirituality and beauty into all aspects of life. the end scene where pretty much everyone dies was so sad and violent, but the movie ended and I wasn't thinking, this is so sad and violent, but this is so beautiful.

sunday night darin hosted a poetry night with hot chocolate. I read two of mine that I've posted on here and also some of my favorites: the chaucer I love and sylvia plath's nick and the candlestick. it was a little scary to put myself out there to relative strangers like that (I read my depressing lyrics) but I feel good about it. it was received with relative quiet, some of it probably inspired by the reception of raw emotions, the rest in admiration for the poem. and the only reason I'm saying that is cause people told me later they were impressed.

stephan came. it's funny how awkward he can be in social settings, yet so natural when we talk. we talked for like 45 minutes after, out by his car in the cold, about a ton of stuff we never talked about from our past. it was good to get it all taken care of. and now we finally do have the friendship that I thought we'd always had all along. at least it's resolved, so I don't really need to get wrapped up in all the time that it wasn't. man, we've been best friends for most of 5 years. that's ridiculous.

end of the weekend.

I am poor and I don't like it.

this is the jacket I spent too much on, but it's freaking awesome. I guess it's really just a picture of me. deal with it. I think it's a pretty good picture, even though my hair is kind of weird here.

peppermint wind

I cry every time I listen to this song. without fail. why do I listen then? I don't know. but it makes me feel things fragile, painful, and beautiful.

Damien Rice - Elephant from gisele requena on Vimeo.

There is a place where the sidewalk ends

And before the street begins,

And there the grass grows soft and white,

And there the sun burns crimson bright, 

And there the moon-bird rests from flight

To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black

And the dark street winds and bends.

Past the pits where the asphalt grows

We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And watch where the chalk-white arrows go

To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,

For the children, they mark, and the children, they know

The place where the sidewalk ends.

tutti i giorni della tua vita son oggi -- all the days of your life are today

ci vediamo domani

today was wednesday. I hate wednesdays. but today was a good wednesday, oddly enough.

work wasn't half bad. I didn't miss the bus for once in my life, but this time my shift supervisor was five minutes late when she's usually like fifteen minutes early. turned out she woke up SEVEN minutes before she got to work. how is that humanly possible??? I do not know. I cannot do it. 

stats also was not half bad. I actually really like class, my teacher is quite excellent and young and interesting. she's from the east and she's a vegetarian and single. ah! breath of fresh non-utah air. I went to my new stats lab for the first time, with drew as the ta instead of mark, the guy I cannot stand and it was amazing!!! I understood things so much better, we got so much more of the homework explained and worked on, drew is awesome (man he's so cute! and married :/) and even the people in my class are smart and cool. there were so many weirdo stressed out freaks in my last lab. they just freaked out about everything. seriously, once I even had to raise my voice and just tell everyone to chill out. it was crazy. and they all gave me dirty looks. guess what? I DON'T CARE that you're freaking out about statistics cause you know what? I definitely know how to freak out about math and it never helped anything! your cheetah print sundress version of dressing up is hurting my eyes and never before have I met people who actually look like there's crap under their nose all the time, let alone two of you in one class! I am so glad to be out of there.

my bladder is about to explode. I'm going to go pee. and then eat angel food cake. yum.

ci vediamo domani -- see you tomorrow