learning curve

this crush is already fading. the other night, I indulged in all my ridiculous emotions, knowing I'd need to start getting over it the next day, and then I got to it. it turned out to be easier than I imagined. you see, I have some "competition", except we're all good friends and made a pact to put our friendship first here. sure, sure, that's all well and good, I know, who's going to keep a pact like that?? well, we're best friends, and it helps that this boy is leaving soon and not coming back. I think they may be indulging in their emotions while they can, before he leaves, knowing there'll be an end to all of it soon enough anyway.

but I'm not like that. trying to compete in attentions and flirtation (hah! we all know I'm incapable of that) is just stupid. so, I've kind of left them to it and just sort of watch from a distance as the boy I like is fawned over by other people. I don't mean to sound resentful, I'm really not. it's just a little bittersweet and ironic, that's all. I wonder if he's as oblivious about all this as he seems to be. I'm sure all this will come out later at some point, and he's going to be completely blown away, and it'll be hilarious.

my opinion of men is on a pendulum swing. someone proves to me that men are rude idiots who don't know how to treat women. so I hate them for awhile. but they can be so wonderful. so I start to forget and start to look around and be interested and then I've fallen for someone. and invariably, someone proves it to you all over again. it isn't worth the drama and heartache. shame on you boys, for being so irresistible, for winning us over, for making us forget who you really are, until ...

we never seem to learn.