a sunday afternoon

not quite on the brink
yet
but I can see it
approaching
closer and closer and
faster
hold it off hold it off

not two minutes ago, I was fine

now I am looking around
trying to focus
on anything but the mounting
wave
that is rising in me from
--- I don't know where
where?

I think I am going to be sick

focus on each step
focus on the silverware
focus on the conversations circling my head
focus on the chair, the door, my nails
focus on the water in the glass

not working

get out
get out
NOW
before something happens
what could happen?
that's just it
--- I don't know

pacing
breathing
gulping water and air
it's okay it's okay it's okay
am I okay?
it's going to be okay
shake it out shake it out

sort of working, maybe

I guess I'll go back in now
tentative
wary
is it gone?
is it coming back?



what just happened?
shit
--- I don't know I don't know