pretending

I like to pretend that I'm an expert on things
that I really know nothing about
I like to pretend that the fat I don't like
makes me look like a classical painting
I like to pretend that I know how to save
when in truth I spend money like water

I used to pretend all sorts of things
like mamas and dollies
and peter pan
and olympics
and pirates (on the playground)
and robin hood (in the woods)
and pirates again (when I cut off my hair)
I'd pretend to make soup out of tea bags and berries
and kept it in the refrigerator I made out of moss
I'd pretend to be Sacajawea and save
my little brother (white man) from everything
I'd pretend to be in love
with Han Solo
with Aragorn
with Mr. Darcy
with someone I ran into
on the sidewalk
in a bookstore
at an anti-war demonstration

I like to pretend
that I don't need anyone
I like to pretend
that I'm not afraid that I might never meet you
or that you'll pass right by when I do
I like to pretend
I am beautiful
and not just because my smile is sweet
and my laugh more contagious
than most
I like to pretend
that I don't want you to take care of me
even though I pretend you next to me
here beside me
all day every day
I pretend that you want me
you love me
and need me
and pretend that I don't need you

sometimes I don't remember
which reality I'm really living in
sometimes it's easier that way