I have lost it.
I have lost the ability to sit down and whip out a paper.
and now I don't know what to do with myself.
what? be a real student? I don't think I know how to do that.
I need to eliminate all distractions - people, music, internet, thoughts ...
that is difficult to do, so I am presently paper-less and incapable.
something seriously needs to change next semester.
I thought I'd get gradually better with each semester at university,
but no, I'm getting not so gradually worse.
get this, he's talented:
he is capable of making me sick to my stomach just by being in the room.
hah how's that for romantic?
john says I talk faster around him.
it's the only exterior indicator that I'm nervous.
... I think.
I need to meditate or something.
carlos and david learned how to stage kiss and I consented to let them practice on me.
(why? I don't know why.)
so now there are some incriminating photos that look pretty realistic.
I'm not posting them, they're a little embarrassing ...
mathias finds it very sad that I've never been kissed.
believe me, I also find it sad.
now I have all these expectations about my wonderful first kiss
and what it's going to mean to me.
whatever, it's going to suck. it always does (so I've heard).
my bravery only goes so far.
just so you know... first kisses don't have to suck. they can actually be pretty great. so don't lose hope :)
ReplyDeleteWould you like to meditate today?
ReplyDeleteI'm going for a run at around 9, so maybe meditate at 10:30?
my first kiss didn't suck. i mean, i had never kissed anyone else so i didn't really know that it could be better. and it does get better, you know, with practice, lots and lots of practice. and then comes the part where you know you're really good because you and the other person are working to make it more enjoyble for the other person.
ReplyDelete