dynamics

so I disappeared from off the face of the earth ...
actually I just went to my sister's house for the long weekend and I've been pre-tty busy.

I watched ice age: the meltdown (should have just gone to sleep), hellboy (excellent, now I need to see the second one), fools rush in (cute, 90s), and the life aquatic (wes anderson at his best, as always).

I ate tucanos (holy. crap. lots of food), gnocchi with pearl onions and stuffed portobello mushrooms and molten chocolate cake (courtesy of claire and jesse), bowtie pastas, and guru's sweet potato fries with fry sauce. there goes the results of the last two weeks of dieting. it was ... almost worth it. I probably would have been just as happy if I ate strawberries and pineapple all weekend.

I stayed in a house of sick people, very sick people and didn't think I'd gotten anything, even after a whole week of germs. but no. I leave today and suddenly my throat hurts, my ears ache, my lymph nodes are swollen. wonderful.

I stayed in a house of people I love. I come home and hear all the things they really have to say about me. you'd think that I'd be used to it by now, the illogical expectations, the accusations and distrust, the condescension, but no. it still hurts.

I'm getting really tired of being the 6th child, youngest girl, 20 something who everyone packs their emotional sibling childhood baggage onto. the sooner I leave america the better. they all just want me to live their dreams anyway. might as well get to it so they can start pretending. it'd be so much easier to get along if I just disappeared for a year, eh?

my mom is back home now. that makes me sad. even though it was not the best week for anyone.