note to a boy

I've been through some rough times lately, wondering if you're really out there somewhere. I'm okay with not meeting you yet, not even for awhile yet, but I'm not okay with you not existing. today I wore skinny jeans and my favorite white top and ballet flats, and I'm telling you, I was pretty dang cute. can you see me? if I'd met you today, I would have totally knocked you out. but tonight, after I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I took a look in the mirror and guess what? I was still pretty. it makes me so happy to be at home in my own skin. and I smiled in the mirror and looked myself in the eyes, and I was me and I was happy to be alive. and then I thought of you and I knew that one day we'd be brushing our teeth together. and that when you would tell me that I'm beautiful, I would know that you didn't just say it because that's what you're supposed to do, but because you really believed it. I just wanted to tell you that there's still a lot of things I'm working on becoming before I meet you, but myself is not one of them. there's a lot to improve, but who I am now is who I will be then, because that's the most beautiful part of me. "our hearts are heavy and light. we laugh and scream and sing. our hearts are heavy and light." but they're ours. mine's still waiting.