goodbye

it's a constant, quiet sadness
the whirring of an electric fan in my heart
the white noise to these white walls
and jaundiced empty halls

I wrote you my soul
and you threw it away
like so much empty chatter
though you didn't know, perhaps
that the words didn't matter

I wish you had seen me
alone in the world
crying my silent tears
in the gathering gloom
on the unmade bed of a private room

I wish you had heard
the aching sobs that shook me,
despairing, as I knelt on the floor
if only sobs could soar across the ocean ...
I don't know if it would have made a difference

I wish you had read the letters I wrote
I have half a mind to burn them
the other half wants to send them
it would be my only stab --
to show you, unveiled, all the love you could have had

you will always be my first love
and I will never forget you.
I learned that hope is a powerful thing
I learned some ears are deaf
no matter how sweetly you sing

goodbye, my dear coward.
this heroine has to go now.
... if only I knew how