compulsive

saw harry potter again. went with benjamin this time. liked it much more. though I think ron is not a very good actor and neither is ginny. and I can't believe she freaking stood there in a robe and tied his shoe for him ... oh epargne-moi!

wuthering heights is ... unbelievable. as in, the characters and their behavior are completely unbelievable. and I tend to prefer realism. even fantasy needs a healthy dose of realism.

I think I have no self-control. ever. when it comes to ... just about everything. when I get doing something, I can't get myself to stop, be it messing with my skin, eating, being on the computer, reading ... anything. it kind of scares me.

perfect song = the fear you won't fall by joshua radin. I bought it off i-tunes last night and I think I have had it on repeat ever since.

wrote an email. a brave one. asked for answers. haven't gotten any yet.
I HATE THIS and I don't know what to do.
'don't want to feel anything, but I do, and it all comes back to you'
sometimes I feel very detached from my feelings. sometimes they are overwhelming and threaten to flood me out every couple minutes. I think I'm going to go indulge them.

there are fat moths dancing spirals around the room, like gentle vandals of the night, like windswept lovers weaving patterns in the chi.

the other day I learned a little lesson from my buddy over at freshness factor five thousand, the mraz master himself. I think it bears replication here:

"worry is what happens when you take those misfortunes on and think you have control over them. you tell yourself that you are responsible in some way for these situations. worry is a story you tell yourself and nothing more. sometimes we do it to over-express our care in a matter. other times we're looking for sympathy. there are plenty of reasons we create for worry to creep its little head in.

but the real fact is, you are responsible for nothing to begin with.

let's say you send some love to someone, but they don't reciprocate the way you expected. that's nothing to worry about. it doesn't mean they don't love you. besides, if they don't, why worry about that? if that mattered, you'd be creating that as a condition for having love in your life. unconditional love is what we practiced when we came into this world in the first place -- so it's best we get back to being that."

can't say it's eliminated worry from my life, but at least it makes me think about it. I wish I could spend my life like him -- drinking greenery and agave nectar every morning, singing and playing all day long, travelling travelling travelling, and returning home to a heaven haven of nature to rediscover spirituality (in its various forms). also wish I could have seen him live in paris. I was in toulouse ...