wouldn't it be nice

I'm in this weird habit of hugging most of my friends I see around campus, especially my study abroad friends. I knew this was going to happen. it's the weird transition away from giving the bise. not doing anything feels too cold, but hugging is also too close, in a way. at least the bise had this feeling of formality, even though it infringed on personal space. so I'm hugging everyone and it feels kind of weird ...

I forgot how slowly times goes in the SAB computer lab. and how annoying the student athletes are. I like sports! sports are fun! but people who live for them are just not my type of people.

school's coming down hard. already.

friday afternoon, I was so tired when I came home that I laid down to take a nap. celesta & kids came by about 5 minutes later to drop me off some banana bread (yum! ate the whole thing already) and talk for a bit. then I tried to read some french homework (in bed) and fell back asleep. and didn't wake up until 11!! pm!! to the sounds of monty python and the holy grail from the living room. I got up, got ready for bed (ha) and wrote in my journal and then slept again until 10 this morning. this sort of thing usually doesn't happen until mid-semester.

this morning I went over to look at abe's pictures and help him choose a few to submit to the international center's photo contest and then I showed him my pics from france. I have way too many pictures from france. it's about time I weeded through them to delete all the crappy ones, but now I don't want to have to look through them again. I've already showed them to so many people. then we watched the france vs. romania world cup qualifier. it was a tie. which was completement nul comme match. but I love watching soccer. can't wait for the wednesday qualifier!

oceane is in yellowstone with her family for the weekend. and without her I am being completely nase. and moody, too. but it's not her being gone. I don't know what it is. but I don't like it.

made my first appointment with a psychologist. making the decision to do this was not difficult - it was very logical and necessary. and I didn't have a problem with it. until I was walking through the halls to the counseling center to make an appointment. when suddenly the prospect of having a crazy doctor actually made me feel a little ... crazy. or ashamed, I guess. or just, wishing I didn't have things I need help with. wouldn't that be nice.

the downside to having learned to cry this summer is that now, simple emotions make me on the brink of tears quite often. it makes me a lot more aware of my emotions, which is good, I suppose. but if I'm going to be upset, I'd rather not be until I really am than to be like this, on edge and not quite there and aware.

from two-headed boy pt. 2 - neutral milk hotel :

blister please, with those wings in your spine
love to be with a brother of mine
how'd he love to find your tongue in his teeth
in a struggle to find secret songs that you keep
wrapped in boxes so tight, sounding only at night as you sleep

and in my dreams you're alive and you're crying
as your mouth moves in mine, soft and sweet
rings of flowers round your eyes and I love you
for the rest of your life (when you're ready)

brother see, we are one in the same
and you left with your head filled with flames
and you watched as your brains fell out through your teeth
push the pieces in place
make your smile sweet to see
don't you take this away
I'm still wanting my face on your cheek

quite possibly the best album of all time.