roundup

breeze

oh the weather here is so wonderfully beautiful. I went for a long walk tonight and stargazed with oceane and stephanie. it was so calming. just what I needed.

that was after an impromptu dance party at my house (we're good at those) but I was done after not too long. I like my music better for dancing. and there was a friend of a roommate over that I have a hard time handling and I needed to get away for awhile, so I went out to enjoy the wind. I brought a fudgesicle with me and I felt like such a kid and I loved it.

I also chatted with stephan today. he has such a talent for making me feel wonderful about myself and reminding me that no, I am not an idiot. not always, anyway. I happen to need to hear that quite a bit these days. I'm so glad we are still friends, even after everything. I'm excited for his wedding - I kind of forgot about it. I'm glad it worked out that it was happening in virginia during the six days that I am in virginia before I fly to paris.

I am listening to josh groban. I haven't listened to him in forever, but I love how lyrics stay in your head for years and years. like all of the music I was exposed to when I shared a room with claire - sometimes I hear random old music in stores or something and I totally know all of the lyrics and it kind of weirds me out.

d&c blog second to last

having just finished up general conference weekend and thinking about the calling and role of the prophet and apostles in the church, I thought this tied in well with part of our class discussion from thursday. dr. holzapfel described how there was a cultural war within the church because of church members in nauvoo who wanted a prophet who preached to them on sunday and didn't impact them for the rest of the week. they were fed up with Joseph as a prophet who encompassed every sphere of society and religion. by 1844, enemies within the church had left and formed the reformed church of Jesus Christ. many who saw Joseph as a "fallen prophet" cited his involvement in economics, politics, plural marriage, and the new doctrine of progression towards godhood. they failed to distinguish the prophet's humanity and ability to make mistakes in things other than the Lord's truth and doctrine and the direction of his church and kingdom.

what's interesting today is that the prophet, while refraining from explicit political affiliations, discusses and councils on every aspect of life, including doctrine, family, economics, media, etc. it's just that today, for some reason, members are able to listen or not listen when they want to. maybe it's an issue of justification or rationalization or just hypocrisy. before, members believed the prophet or thought he was a fallen prophet. these days, it seems that members are able to believe when they feel like it and disregard when they don't happen to like what they hear or think they can rationalize it for themselves. in a way, it's a flippancy for the sacredness of the prophet's calling. I don't excuse myself from this tendancy -- I think all of us do it to some extent -- it's just something to think about.

creative sample

true, I swore I'd never act for him again (those things just got too embarrassing), but I guess I'm someone he can count on and will be reasonably okay at acting to make it work. so this is david (jon banks)'s creative sample for his application to the film program at BYU. the story itself is wonderfully morbid -- I came up with it myself :) and all the editing and stuff is amazingly well done. yay david! you'd better get in the program or I'll be mad.


unnamed creative sample 03-16-09 from David Jon Banks on Vimeo.

parents!

it's been a good weekend.

my parents flew in on friday night and came and picked me up with my stuff for the weekend to stay at my grandpa's house in pleasant grove. we woke up early on saturday and me and my mom went to salt lake for the morning session of general conference. we had tickets to see it in the conference center. it was quite excellent. my favorite part is always when the prophet first comes in and everybody stands up and it gets really quiet and just the organ is playing. it kind of reminds me how everyone will bow for christ. we came back to grandpa's and watched the afternoon session on tv and then me and mom went over to celesta's while dad and grandpa went to salt lake for the priesthood session. we ordered pizza and watched victoria's american girl felicity movie (it was pretty good for an american girl movie. kind of cute, even).

I was blessed this weekend to not be hardly tired at all and I had some questions in mind that really helped me get more out of all of the sessions. it was a really wonderful conference weekend.

I had a ticket for the morning session today, but I decided to stay home and watch on tv with my grandpa while my parents were in salt lake for both sessions. then I read more of le malade imaginaire (trying to catch up on everything I haven't been reading this semester). when my parents got back, we sat and talked and I spilled the whole drama of my life (all of it) to my dad in about 20 minutes (I talk really fast) and then he and my grandpa gave me a priesthood blessing. I really needed that a week ago, but my dad wasn't here then. it was wonderful.

we had family dinner at celesta's tonight and then just talked til 9 when dad and grandpa brought me back to the apartment. I wanted to not be stressed out by getting back way late and I needed to read some more moliere. crazy to think that in two weeks, I'll be seeing my parents again in virginia. finals and everything will be over and 6 days later I'll be flying to paris. this is getting really close.

today I signed and mailed my taxes.

side note:
how long is the expected wait between giving out your number and getting a call?
should I be getting worried? I'm a little worried.

say hello

utah, sometimes you surprise me:

with fresh and happy rain showers that leave nothing but mist and rebirth
with snow-covered Timpanogos that dazzles, sometimes burns, my eyes
with orion always constant for me every night I remember to look
with duck buddies that sometimes stroll with me on my way to school
with the cloudless sky arching over me, a pure almost-cornflower blue
with budding trees and singing birds (some too fat for branches)
and gusting winds on hilltops and peach pits on the ground
and the richest, sweetest grass my toes have ever tasted

I think my favorite is when mist seeps into the valley, lower than the peaks
and when the moon is caught rising with its light just behind the ridge of the mountain

why do you hide yourself behind such dismal grey skies for so many months at a time?
see how easy I give my love when you come out to say hello.

a sunday afternoon

not quite on the brink
yet
but I can see it
approaching
closer and closer and
faster
hold it off hold it off

not two minutes ago, I was fine

now I am looking around
trying to focus
on anything but the mounting
wave
that is rising in me from
--- I don't know where
where?

I think I am going to be sick

focus on each step
focus on the silverware
focus on the conversations circling my head
focus on the chair, the door, my nails
focus on the water in the glass

not working

get out
get out
NOW
before something happens
what could happen?
that's just it
--- I don't know

pacing
breathing
gulping water and air
it's okay it's okay it's okay
am I okay?
it's going to be okay
shake it out shake it out

sort of working, maybe

I guess I'll go back in now
tentative
wary
is it gone?
is it coming back?



what just happened?
shit
--- I don't know I don't know