sunday

I'm home for the weekend - yay!

do you ever get into a mode where you are seriously uncomfortable - headache, tired, starving, thirsty, etc. - but you don't do anything about it, even though you're miserable? that happens to me all the time, especially when I get a headache - it just seems counter-intuitive to take an advil. I don't know why.

I think sometimes it's because the physical discomfort seems to be a manifestation of your thoughts or your mood and there's a strange satisfaction that you are feeling both emotionally and physically at the same time, like your body is in on it too. and who am I to thwart such synchronization?

it's weird. it's like I don't want to feel better. there's a vindication in feeling it all to the fullest. this almost always hurts me more than anything else - like vindication always does - like when I ate all the rest of the pumpkin bars, waaaayyy more than I could/should actually eat, out of spite for the roommates who ate most of them when they weren't supposed to ...

sometimes I can be so juvenile. at least I'm not running a country or anything, like some of the juveniles we've got in this world. (this is not a stab at obama. this is a stab at all of them. international relations is like a themed birthday party for 5 year olds. "but I wanted the corner piece that had the blue flower on it and the YELLOW candle!!" "how come he gets more ice cream than me?" until it comes to outright hitting and stringing people up to be the pinata. this metaphor is rather ... extended.)

okay I'm done.

church was kind of bipolar today. my home ward is a freaking baby-making machine and sacrament meeting was so loud from the childrens that I almost couldn't hear the speakers. it was the sound of 20 fruit snack packages being opened at once, a host of fussy babies and cheerfully blabbering toddlers, and on up the ranks.

then sunday school was excellent - exactly what it should be and what it so often isn't. the teacher was there to bring the spirit and let the spirit teach the class members, and he did. it was amazing and edifying.

then everything kind of went back to hectic/crazy. I had to literally wade through hosts of small children in order to get out of the building.

I am literally broke and I hate being poor. it's not even about buying things - I don't need to buy things - it's about not being able to when I have to - it's about having a constant stress that maybe things aren't going to be okay.

also, I'm hungry and I miss my boyfriend. that most of all.

back to pittsburgh, home again home again jiggedy jig