d&c blog number ... it's been awhile

the last couple of weeks, we've been doing out of class things. cool things.

we went to the art museum. I have a hard time with authorities talking to/guiding me in museums. sometimes they can have some pretty cool insights that help you better experience the artwork, but most of the time it's just distracting from a personal interaction with the exhibit. there's a new-ish addition to the religious collection, a painting of Christ from the circle of rembrandt (awesome). the lady was bothering me while I was having this incredible experience with this painting. rembrandt supposedly used a semitic jew expatriate to pose for this painting among a series of others, which gives it a more authentic feel. it always cracks me up when western christianity paints this blond-haired blue-eyed Jesus. come on people, he was born in israel, he's a jew. I would rather have a painting that shows me the true humanity of Christ than to have someone who looks more like me so I can relate better. the atonement is the reason Christ can relate to me, not because of the color of his eyes.

we also went to the special collections section of the library for a presentation. a presentation I already went to for my humanities class (cause prof ancell is just awesome like that). I love looking at the illuminated bible manuscripts, they're just exquisite. as if books weren't wonderful enough already, they turn them into works of art, too. I did get to see an original copy of the book of commandments (worth more than a million, if I remember correctly). it was very pocket-sized, literally. I wish they still made pocket books (livre de poche, like the french brand). I think I would have felt much very at home in a convent copying books all the days of my life, with the smell of inks and vellum around me and words under my fingertips day in and day out. actually, I would rather be a chaucer or something, but considering the status of women at the time ... a convent wouldn't be half bad.

disturbances

I've needed to cry for probably the last 4 days but it just. won't. come.

I think I had a mild panic attack on sunday. it was scary. later, I wikipedia-ed it (tada! internet to the rescue) and looking at the triggers and causes, I'm definitely going to place my money on inner ear disturbances. well, it's that or illegal drugs. and you all know how sketch I am when it comes to illegal drugs ... benadryl, advil, the like. actually, we're probably looking at OCD, life transitions, anxious self-talk, and withheld feelings. and inner ear disturbances, bien sur. I'm taking it lightly, I know, but it was scary and I don't want it to happen again. I thought about meditating or pacing or something, but I felt like I should go to the temple. so I went and walked the grounds and what do you know, not five minutes and everything was fine. peace. for awhile anyway.

I just finished the paper from hell. I procrastinated it, but more than that, I just could not start writing it. it was ridiculously painstaking. I don't know what in the world is wrong with me these days. the poetry comes out just fine. I finally finished it today, but the bus was late, so I didn't get to the geography department in time to turn it in ... so it is yet another day late. what's that, three now? oh this is going to be a fun grade.

just found out that my internship for france, les petits freres des pauvres, is no longer covering housing costs. something to do with some new law, whatever, I don't know. all I know is that this is really LAME. I haven't had time to think about what I'm going to do. it would still be a wonderful experience, of course, but I don't think I can pay for it.

I'm going to go catch the bus home now and start the lovely load of homework that is waiting for me.

my spacebar is squeaking
cringe

(semi) weekly internet roundup

sorry for the delay

my life got away from me

the fig-fetcher

(to you)

you sit on my couch
all relaxed and casual
(an act maybe)
just sitting in my living room
as if it was yours.

and your hands --
they rest so delicately
on your knee,
on the back of the couch

and your eyes --
they speak when you speak
and dance when you laugh
and appraise me

and your voice --
it lilts and tumbles gently
over the things you say
(and leave unsaid)
and the rhythm matches the
tilt of your head.

but you sit on my couch
with the weight of empty space
between
that looks and words can penetrate,
but nothing else.

am I smiling too much?
it's the only way I know how to say
how much I wish
you'd come sit next to me.
but I'm afraid my smile seems
rather commonplace
these days
(to you)

what if I said it?
sang it
wrote it
drew it
that you are better
than any dream I've ever had
(except the ones with you in them)

you'd probably raise your eyebrows
and flash a smile
and say something witty
so I couldn't help but laugh
(cry)

but I've already written it down --
I'll sing it to you
(in your sleep)
I'll send you the drawing
(next week)
and if I don't say hi sometimes,
it's only because you caught me
thinking about you.

the davids

I happen to have a strange number of acquaintances named david. I guess it's no surprise, given david was the no. 5 boys name in the country in the decade we were born. but I thought I'd clear up any confusions about the davids, since I mention a couple of them quite a bit and the others make for good stories.

david banks


the david I have known the longest
and probably the coolest and sweetest one.
he writes songs and makes movies
many of which I have participated/starred in
(much to my chagrin. I am a horrible actress)
he is incredibly talented
and so fun to be around.
we like to bash on the culture bubble we live in
and reminisce about all of the memories we had
before we were really good friends.
now we have even more!

david manciati


the david who lives in the french house
and lived in my apartment for most of last semester.
we play babyfoot and share pizzas
and give important advice when we need it.
he is a tactless sweetheart.
sometimes I help him with his italian homework,
which makes me want to learn italian.
the sweater he is wearing here,
it is wool and he shrunk it in the dryer.
and now it is mine.
we went to tucanos. it was good.

david ruse (brent mckay allred)


this kid's more of an acquaintance, really
but he's been coming over lately on different pretexts.
he's oceane's lab partner from last semester
and they give each other a hard time.
his real name is not david - he changed it
on a whim for no real reason (?)
and now the government wants to know why -
but david still seems to fit more than anything else.
he's funny and he long boards, so that's cool.
and he obviously thinks we're cool enough
to hang out with. so that's also cool.

david braudt


this kid thinks he's the coolest david
to ever grace the planet.
he's my TA for physical science
and I really don't get him.
first, he was incredibly mean to me.
now, he goes out of his way to be nice to me.
I have no idea what this means.
but hey, he's being nice.
I don't think I mind. not one bit.
he is rather good-looking.
he has the most beautiful hands.

spring

we had an art party tonight.
I haven't successfully sketched in awhile
so I decided to do this
instead of experiment
with my charcoal
and oil pastels
and watercolors.
maybe tomorrow.