money is stupid. so are grades.

I've been waiting for notification from byu about the status of my scholarship renewal. the fact that I have to renew anything is so ... gah! it makes me angry. I would have been a hinckley scholar but for the fatal misinforming or lack of informing of byu so that I didn't take the ACT for the second time to get the qualifying score when I needed to (I took it later and got the score). instead I took SAT subject tests to get into uva, a school I knew I wouldn't be attending. brilliant. so I have a one-year full tuition scholarship that I have to renew every year and the competition for that money is much more fierce and requires much better grades. 

I got the letter today. I only got half tuition renewed, not full. which is better than no scholarship, but it still upsets me. my mom says she's proud of me but this just isn't good enough for me. there are hundreds of people at my school who are getting full tuition scholarships because they have a gpa three hundredths higher than mine. and I'm mad that I couldn't pull off straight A's. I am better than this. not good enough.

and before you jump to conclusions about my exacting parents who require too much of me, no. they have never pushed me to get straight A's or rewarded me for them except for "You make us so proud" moments and an occasional night out to dinner. this is completely self-imposed. I do well because I want to, because I know I can, and I like to be the best.