there are things I have a problem with at work, but I tell you what, working with good people makes it so fun. on friday mornings I work for a 4 hour block and I get to work with rachel, jeremy, faby, chris and mckay. all in one day! of course, it always helps when you're in a good mood. I was in a very good mood today and I wasn't tired at all which is incredibly weird since I was in such an awful, crazy mood last night and was exhausted and I only got 5ish hours of sleep. I have decided that I defy all logic.
my sisters are hilarious. I love them.
carolyn called me on my birthday and we were talking about my future plans for this year and the next. I'm trying to decide when, whether, etc. to go on a mission. I really have no idea. and carolyn says, "of course, I'm biased, but I want you in my wedding, damn it!!" it was pretty much amazing.
I'm still hearing rumors about the arrested development movie. that would only be the best movie of all time! well, it would beat the simpsons movie, at least.
the psychology behind netflix is ingenious. rather than being victimized by late fees, you have no one to blame but yourself when you're paying every month for that one dvd you have in your drawer somewhere that you're too lazy to find and send back for your next one. that's what you get for paying for one dvd at a time, I guess. and you keep telling yourself it's worth the money if you'd just send it back and get more movies. now the only question is, why don't I don't something about this? seeing as I understand it so well. I suppose this is just my contribution to pushing blockbuster out of business. cause it's lame.
yesterday, I never wanted to see junk food again in my life. today, I never want to eat anything but junk food again in my life. hmmm. I'm starving.
1.30.2009
a story
the cast:
the setting:
the setting:
the story:
the end
(young college student whose name I forgot to take down)
1.28.2009
cake
sometimes pictures are just more fun than writing
here are my crazy puffy allergy eyes. fun!!
clay totem pole art that me and david made. we won shirts!
quelle deche
+++
20!!
yoga mat brand-new freshness
dancing to my singing card
eating a cake for abe
this year was a wonderful birthday for many reasons
like 10 times better than last year
I was just so happy,
am still happy
1.24.2009
d&c blog premier
I'm taking a doctrine & covenants religion class this semester, the Honors section taught by Dr. Holzapfel. a major part of our grade is doing weekly blog posts that have to do with our reactions to the material taught in class. in theory, I could have just made a new blog for the class, posted for the semester and then forgotten about it. but I decided that the fact that I was hesitant about putting my feelings about religion up here indicated to me that I really should. so, head's up, there's going to be a weekly post on this kind of thing for a few months. one reason for this is to make positive voices available instead of leaving it to the critics to define us. I hope it's interesting to more than just me - feel free to ask questions or start a discussion in the comments.
I also had Dr. Holzapfel for Honors 240 my freshman year, the near-equivalent of American Heritage, so I'm familiar with some of the historical context involved in the restoration of the gospel. the fact that the constitution does not specify a state religion is mostly because, well, which one would you choose? many states had their own state-supported religions including catholicism, anglicanism, puritanism, etc. the rise of the baptist and methodist popularity is because there was an institutional void in the new country, especially in the advancing backwoods frontier of settlers moving west towards the mississippi. hence the religious revival and the "church-ing" of America.
how does this affect Joseph Smith? profoundly. his family was a veritable microcosm of the religious upheaval happening across the country. his parents were split in beliefs and commitment to a set religion (universalist, non-attending father and a baptized presbyterian mother). his siblings followed one parent or the other. and Joseph found himself with a significant freedom at a relatively young age: the right to investigate the truth of different religions and decide for himself which one he wanted to join. I commend him for his seriousness in his pursuit of the truth. I can think of a lot of people my age, let alone his age, who just wouldn't have cared regardless of the religious climate of the burned-over district of New York.
so he attends meetings. he talks with preachers. he asks questions and gets incomplete answers, or dissatisfying ones. he studies the bible. where in the world did he find the time to do that? why in the world can I never find time to do that? he was working, real physical labor, constantly. what 14 year old boy finally gets his shoes off after a long day of work and reads the bible? someone who was hungering for truth, for answers.
I like a class that puts me in the history of the events, that helps me better understand the feelings and motivations of the people who have become a faint shadow of reality behind the weight of their own myth. history isn't a fairy tale, it's an existence that was just as real then as we are to ourselves today. so when I am the one who wants the truth, the answers, I understand why and what I should do to get them. it doesn't surprise me. it makes perfect sense.
I also had Dr. Holzapfel for Honors 240 my freshman year, the near-equivalent of American Heritage, so I'm familiar with some of the historical context involved in the restoration of the gospel. the fact that the constitution does not specify a state religion is mostly because, well, which one would you choose? many states had their own state-supported religions including catholicism, anglicanism, puritanism, etc. the rise of the baptist and methodist popularity is because there was an institutional void in the new country, especially in the advancing backwoods frontier of settlers moving west towards the mississippi. hence the religious revival and the "church-ing" of America.
how does this affect Joseph Smith? profoundly. his family was a veritable microcosm of the religious upheaval happening across the country. his parents were split in beliefs and commitment to a set religion (universalist, non-attending father and a baptized presbyterian mother). his siblings followed one parent or the other. and Joseph found himself with a significant freedom at a relatively young age: the right to investigate the truth of different religions and decide for himself which one he wanted to join. I commend him for his seriousness in his pursuit of the truth. I can think of a lot of people my age, let alone his age, who just wouldn't have cared regardless of the religious climate of the burned-over district of New York.
so he attends meetings. he talks with preachers. he asks questions and gets incomplete answers, or dissatisfying ones. he studies the bible. where in the world did he find the time to do that? why in the world can I never find time to do that? he was working, real physical labor, constantly. what 14 year old boy finally gets his shoes off after a long day of work and reads the bible? someone who was hungering for truth, for answers.
I like a class that puts me in the history of the events, that helps me better understand the feelings and motivations of the people who have become a faint shadow of reality behind the weight of their own myth. history isn't a fairy tale, it's an existence that was just as real then as we are to ourselves today. so when I am the one who wants the truth, the answers, I understand why and what I should do to get them. it doesn't surprise me. it makes perfect sense.
rhyme & reason
I am rhyme and reason.
I am the resolution of all conflict.
I am the strength of an arm --
not force, but lotus
quiet channeled discipline that shapes destiny through air.
fair, flying, free
not delicate, but grace.
not delicate, no.
I am the innermost point of balance,
of consciousness, of being,
hidden, niched, somewhere between
the lifeblood and Adam's rib,
rib-less
boneless, skinless breast
flayed alive to the point of misinformation
til I cry out in my anguished silence,
never, no. not that, no.
I am floating, lurching
through the fairyland flames that
engulf me and leave behind
a past-laden ash,
born of the question
tomorrow.
I am always more than I thought I was
so filled with the euphoria of a crystalline world.
not untouched, but breakable
it is meant to be loved,
or used
if you happen to call it that.
but not fragile.
not that, no.
she will outlast us all, despite our best efforts.
I am the buried bulb
forgotten inside an earthy bed,
a safe place,
til unearthed again
til barren, rotted
tossed away
behind
left right
no matter --
to the dogs either way.
I am lithe and moving,
always moving in my frame,
this frame of mind
that determines me solid and cloud at once.
not above or beneath
but certainly not on the ground.
not that,
that no-man's land,
no.
I am the gritty sand that crumbles from brick
and flies windward
to pepper the waves with messages.
I am the in out flickering of tail feathers
that slip behind the branch.
I am a string in the harp,
sleeping under a mindful burial ground,
a mountain of time and water,
but not earth.
no.
I am too vast for a single space.
I am twins, shrouded
with hair to their thighs,
whispers alive in their eyes.
so free they cannot be breached,
not even by truth.
I am a stop-time photograph,
captured in still frames that
imagine they have found reality
when really it's just me,
shiftless
shapeless
the spots on the lens.
sometimes I make an appearance,
but you won't see it.
never, no.
eyes? no.
heart? not that, no.
you don't know what it is you're looking for.
you can't pick and choose
the bird in the tree
the twins hiding free
you and me
never, no.
not that, no, no.
I am almost a bird.
I am vast and free.
I am rhyme and reason and me.
I am the resolution of all conflict.
I am the strength of an arm --
not force, but lotus
quiet channeled discipline that shapes destiny through air.
fair, flying, free
not delicate, but grace.
not delicate, no.
I am the innermost point of balance,
of consciousness, of being,
hidden, niched, somewhere between
the lifeblood and Adam's rib,
rib-less
boneless, skinless breast
flayed alive to the point of misinformation
til I cry out in my anguished silence,
never, no. not that, no.
I am floating, lurching
through the fairyland flames that
engulf me and leave behind
a past-laden ash,
born of the question
tomorrow.
I am always more than I thought I was
so filled with the euphoria of a crystalline world.
not untouched, but breakable
it is meant to be loved,
or used
if you happen to call it that.
but not fragile.
not that, no.
she will outlast us all, despite our best efforts.
I am the buried bulb
forgotten inside an earthy bed,
a safe place,
til unearthed again
til barren, rotted
tossed away
behind
left right
no matter --
to the dogs either way.
I am lithe and moving,
always moving in my frame,
this frame of mind
that determines me solid and cloud at once.
not above or beneath
but certainly not on the ground.
not that,
that no-man's land,
no.
I am the gritty sand that crumbles from brick
and flies windward
to pepper the waves with messages.
I am the in out flickering of tail feathers
that slip behind the branch.
I am a string in the harp,
sleeping under a mindful burial ground,
a mountain of time and water,
but not earth.
no.
I am too vast for a single space.
I am twins, shrouded
with hair to their thighs,
whispers alive in their eyes.
so free they cannot be breached,
not even by truth.
I am a stop-time photograph,
captured in still frames that
imagine they have found reality
when really it's just me,
shiftless
shapeless
the spots on the lens.
sometimes I make an appearance,
but you won't see it.
never, no.
eyes? no.
heart? not that, no.
you don't know what it is you're looking for.
you can't pick and choose
the bird in the tree
the twins hiding free
you and me
never, no.
not that, no, no.
I am almost a bird.
I am vast and free.
I am rhyme and reason and me.
1.22.2009
just don't breathe
I'm allergic to air. it is ridiculous. actually, utah valley is ridiculous. the air quality level is so horrendous here that I'm having an allergic reaction. and it's really not very fun, especially since I've never had allergies before. I'm just going to state here for the record that when I have finished at university, I am never going to live in utah again. I don't care about my husband's job. I will not be marrying someone who has to work in utah. or wants to live there. or can in any way tolerate the thought of living there. the end.
I'm being called into the work office during my shift tomorrow and I don't know why. I'm really kind of scared about it. work situations stress me out so bad. I don't know why they didn't just call me in when they want to see me tomorrow, instead of making me freak out all night and all day tomorrow. I have no idea what this is about. wish me luck.
today I bought benadryl, emergence-cs, strawberry chapstick, smartwater and a bagel. then not a half hour later I bought the economist, time and newsweek. I was just going to get the economist, but the special commemoration edition of newsweek for obama was out and that's kind of a must, and time was people of the year with obama as person of the year, so I kind of had to get that one too. so I spent a lot of money today, but I still feel happy about it.
my french choir class frustrates me. the teacher's cool, but he's new and too nice; people talk too much all the time and we never get anything done. it's going to take forever for people to learn the music, let alone the pronunciation because he's not concerned about that even though it's kind of critical. our pianist is just some girl who volunteered in the class so the piano situation is mostly a failure. I sing tenor cause the boys are outnumbered about 6 or 7 to 1. the class is too large. it's just ... lame. I hope it gets some better. I was hoping that this would be my first official choir experience, but it's turning out to be just as informal and unhelpful as any other I've ever participated in. sad day.
I'm going to take some more benadryl, take a nap and maybe possibly think about doing my homework ... maybe.
I'm being called into the work office during my shift tomorrow and I don't know why. I'm really kind of scared about it. work situations stress me out so bad. I don't know why they didn't just call me in when they want to see me tomorrow, instead of making me freak out all night and all day tomorrow. I have no idea what this is about. wish me luck.
today I bought benadryl, emergence-cs, strawberry chapstick, smartwater and a bagel. then not a half hour later I bought the economist, time and newsweek. I was just going to get the economist, but the special commemoration edition of newsweek for obama was out and that's kind of a must, and time was people of the year with obama as person of the year, so I kind of had to get that one too. so I spent a lot of money today, but I still feel happy about it.
my french choir class frustrates me. the teacher's cool, but he's new and too nice; people talk too much all the time and we never get anything done. it's going to take forever for people to learn the music, let alone the pronunciation because he's not concerned about that even though it's kind of critical. our pianist is just some girl who volunteered in the class so the piano situation is mostly a failure. I sing tenor cause the boys are outnumbered about 6 or 7 to 1. the class is too large. it's just ... lame. I hope it gets some better. I was hoping that this would be my first official choir experience, but it's turning out to be just as informal and unhelpful as any other I've ever participated in. sad day.
I'm going to take some more benadryl, take a nap and maybe possibly think about doing my homework ... maybe.
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