sunday

I'm home for the weekend - yay!

do you ever get into a mode where you are seriously uncomfortable - headache, tired, starving, thirsty, etc. - but you don't do anything about it, even though you're miserable? that happens to me all the time, especially when I get a headache - it just seems counter-intuitive to take an advil. I don't know why.

I think sometimes it's because the physical discomfort seems to be a manifestation of your thoughts or your mood and there's a strange satisfaction that you are feeling both emotionally and physically at the same time, like your body is in on it too. and who am I to thwart such synchronization?

it's weird. it's like I don't want to feel better. there's a vindication in feeling it all to the fullest. this almost always hurts me more than anything else - like vindication always does - like when I ate all the rest of the pumpkin bars, waaaayyy more than I could/should actually eat, out of spite for the roommates who ate most of them when they weren't supposed to ...

sometimes I can be so juvenile. at least I'm not running a country or anything, like some of the juveniles we've got in this world. (this is not a stab at obama. this is a stab at all of them. international relations is like a themed birthday party for 5 year olds. "but I wanted the corner piece that had the blue flower on it and the YELLOW candle!!" "how come he gets more ice cream than me?" until it comes to outright hitting and stringing people up to be the pinata. this metaphor is rather ... extended.)

okay I'm done.

church was kind of bipolar today. my home ward is a freaking baby-making machine and sacrament meeting was so loud from the childrens that I almost couldn't hear the speakers. it was the sound of 20 fruit snack packages being opened at once, a host of fussy babies and cheerfully blabbering toddlers, and on up the ranks.

then sunday school was excellent - exactly what it should be and what it so often isn't. the teacher was there to bring the spirit and let the spirit teach the class members, and he did. it was amazing and edifying.

then everything kind of went back to hectic/crazy. I had to literally wade through hosts of small children in order to get out of the building.

I am literally broke and I hate being poor. it's not even about buying things - I don't need to buy things - it's about not being able to when I have to - it's about having a constant stress that maybe things aren't going to be okay.

also, I'm hungry and I miss my boyfriend. that most of all.

back to pittsburgh, home again home again jiggedy jig

shorn

I got a haircut! do you like it?

actually, don't answer that.

I like it. a lot :)

I just love love love short hair.

moving in

building furnitures with my momma

in my new room

the neighbor gato who was chilling on our windowsill one day

pretty much the sweetest cat ever

I played with it outside today

and it loved me to death.

see - I'm dead.

a sight I saw on my way to the shadyside art festival

a mural on maple street where the art festival was

I really had to resist taking pictures of some of the art

the artists probably wouldn't have minded, if I'd asked,

I sometimes have to remind myself that I'm not in france anymore

the package my new dress came in

courtesy of angela from seesaw vintage

the dress is perfect :)

I'm wearing it to andy's brother's vermont wedding

now I just need some awesome new shoes. sigh.

most recent puzzle accomplishment

the pieces were very strange shapes

which made it surprisingly difficult

~

"the bruises go away,

and so does how you hate,

and so does the feeling

that everything you receive from life

is something you have earned."

- everything is illuminated

~

~

I take pictures of trees, clouds & shadows.

also wildlife. and sculptures.

and myself. but I delete most of those.

beautiful

I was newly inspired by zina to catch up on my google reader, which has been stuck on a steady 700+ for far too long. and in the last couple of days, I've tackled that weighty number into a submissive 227. I admit there are some I don't really have an interest in anymore and I ought to just clean things out, but while I have renewed energy to read blogs, I don't have a renewed energy to re-evaluate my interest in them right now. so some I just mark as all read and move on. and some I re-discover and it's great :)

I ran across a blog* that I haven't had much interest in and still don't, but it contained a kind of treasure that I really needed right now. having a boyfriend who is all kinds of wonderful, he's always telling me how beautiful I am and I actually have a really hard time hearing it - there's a powerful internal resistance to accepting that I'm pretty and then I get all anxious ... anyway, I'm working on it, but these thoughts were just really important to me:

beautiful

adj.

having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind; excellent of its kind; wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying; extraordinary; incredible

If there is something in you that is still trying to earn God's good graces, you have not accepted the greatest gift you have ever been offered: God's forgiveness and mercy.

you are more beautiful than you will ever know.

*thanks

vow.

slightly (un)settled

I am in pittsburgh

it is a lovely city

and I may not be in love with it yet

but already it feels like home

not everything is unpacked

but I built some furniture

and my clothes smell like pine wood

and my books are shelved

the bus isn't as reliable as I'd like

but the bus drivers are kind

and I can hop on pretty much any of them

and it'll get me home

I walked into my building on monday

and surrounded by students

along the halls

I felt like I belong

and already the faces appear

with smiles and questions

and I walk out of my way

to keep the conversation going

I eat toast with marmalade for brunch

because evening classes

and puzzles and phone calls

make for late mornings

when I walk the streets

I feel a kind of liberation

a lightness in the soles of my feet

and only you are missing

beirut is the soundtrack of this city

and my waking dreams are vivid

and I really need to get a job

so I'll be too busy to think of you so much

the happenings

timp cave

carried hazel all the way down

felt quite happily like backpacking

spike, mabel's pet hedgehog

REI joy

salt lake cathedral w/ andy

the chick chick chickies

roosting and looking so evil

baby zuri!

story forthcoming

my momma's so cute

lake michigan love