cake!

I am having telephone difficulties with my mother. usually I call her when I'm feeling not too good, but invariably, those are the times when she can never hear or understand anything I say and I have to repeat myself 20 billion times and she doesn't get how I'm feeling. but lately, this has even been happening when I'm not upset. I've just given up and now I'm waiting for her to get here tomorrow night!! I can't wait.

on the other hand, me and claire always get each other on the phone. I called her last night while I was walking home from the library very late at night (after reading ... ahem researching... for 2 straight hours) and it was so good to talk to her. every time we talk we just laugh and laugh. I remember not that many years ago it was never like that. I'm just really glad we get along so well now. hooray for not giving up on each other!

tonight I am going to bake a cake. it will be delicious. oceane's getting the strawberries. I'm going to make a second attempt at seven-minute frosting. we'll see how that goes. david's back in our apartment. there was some momentary drama and he wasn't around for a few days and we all really missed him.

now going to stats class.

I really want to steal this jacket from the swkt lab. kim says if it's still here in a week, I can take it. yessss.

ideals

thoughts:
my french house friends are so wonderful. we are so comfortable together, always. I can come home at 1 in the morning for the first time since 10am and there they are, watching arrested development and drinking sangria, with a spot for me on the couch. and we laugh and laugh and time travel and sing spanish drinking songs and huddle under oceane's comforter.

I like michelle's craig and how he interacts with her, and he's outgoing and fun so it's not hard to get along with him, but I hate the intermediate stages of friendship. I'd like to just be tight with him right now, but I guess it takes more than one evening for that. I don't know if there's going to be anymore though, we're all so busy. the pizza we made was disgusting and it wasn't my fault but it made me really sad. and mad.

when stephan gets married, it's going to be sad because I won't be able to hang out with just him anymore. it's not the same thing, hanging out with your best friend, and hanging out with your best friend and his wife when you're single.

I hate it when people tell you that you will become attracted to someone and like them more the more you hang out with them. I guess that works sometimes, but I don't want to have to learn to like someone. it sounds like getting along with the bully or the queen bee in 1st grade or something. I don't believe in love at first sight, standing alone anyway, but I do believe in initial attraction.

is it so wrong to want an ideal? is it so impossible to find him? everyone says it's okay to have standards for a guy as long as you don't hold to them. ??? then what's the point in having them? if I'm in love with someone, I'm not going to refuse him just because he's blond or something, and I'm not going to deny an attraction to someone who isn't what I imagine my ideal to be. but doesn't anyone ever get what they want? can't I get what I want?

I want a tall, thin european with dark hair and fine fingers. I want to live in europe and raise my children in another language, another culture, another mindset. I want a thinker, a poet, with soulful eyes and a soulful pen. someone gentle and kind, but passionate and vibrant. someone who believes I am the most wonderful angel on earth, because he will be to me.

I am currently happily single because I have yet to meet anyone like this. and I don't think I should have to "learn to like" in the meantime. I can enjoy being with people just fine without wanting to marry them.

wish I could dance

just ran across this last night and then spent forever with stephanie and oceane watching other ones and falling in love with this guy's awesome legs and sense of style. and dance moves too, of course :) long legs + good jeans = supreme hotness. and a newsboy cap doesn't hurt either.


Davey Dance Blog -38- ROCKEFELLER CENTER - Mariah Carey - "All I Want for Xmas is You" from Pheasant Plucker on Vimeo.

good morning

turning the infinite hexagonal corners of the flsr,

 I hear the bus screeching, pulling away. 

I am not on the bus. again.

running across the parking lot, my bag hits my thigh 

and I slow and I stop and I stomp my foot on the concrete,

 too hard, and throw up my hands and mutter angry, venting syllables. 

all before I realize that I am not angry. 

it is not cold, but pleasant. my bag is not heavy.

 the breeze blows my fresh hair not too soft and not too hard. 

my scarf is amazing. 

my music is new and bouncy and matches my casual step. 

it is dark. my feet are light. not too cold. my heart is light.

good morning.

sartorialist favorites

oh to be young, urban & well-dressed

one day

achievement of the day

vegas!

me and celesta took a road trip to visit claire and jesse in vegas. it was so fun! definitely worth missing work.

jesse & his crazy hair